Ostrich's Head in the Sand

Getting stuck in a rut and becoming stagnant is very unpleasant.  Sometimes God will make me very uncomfortable in the routine of simply going through the motions.  Life is tough enough, but even more painful when in a place I'm not supposed to be.  Living in Fort Worth has served its purpose, but time has been long overdue for me to move on.  It isn't as if I haven't tried, my plans simply unraveled by not falling into place or working out as planned.  Over the course of the last few months I have been barely hanging on to the last vestiges of what I call normalcy.  However, too much energy and effort has been expended in trying to make things work.  Attending school didn't work out.  Now the job I somewhat liked and enjoyed is a chore to report too because of all the drama.  My emotional and psychological well-being have been severely compromised as a result of seeing residency in Fort Worth degrade to a level of miserable existence.  As of last night, I finally "let go" of the last little bit of what I was hanging on too.  Instead of the feeling of free-falling without the support of established social constructs, I felt liberated to truly live as who I was designed and created to be.  I have always operated at my highest potential when I marched to the beat of a different drummer...and I'm the drummer in each and every situation.  So to try to make things work by conforming to what society says is normal is insanity and madness.  Today is a new day.  I am already in process, hitting my stride, in moving in the direction which is best for me and most honoring to God.  He designed me and won't receive the most glory and worship by anything other than me living out who He created me to be.  Sometimes I wonder what is was like for Columbus and the other explorers as they set out for the great unknown.  Were they fearful?  Did they have a backup plan, or did they abandon all in the risk of great danger?  In a book I read, the author stated Columbus had the shipped burned upon arrival in the New World so no one could cut and run with their tail between their legs.  It was all or nothing.  That mindset is something I haven't had for a long time.  Has my increased age made me settle for the safe route?  I don't want to arrive at the end of my life only to discover I have nothing to show for it except to have tip-toed to death safely.  The undiscovered country of my own making is still waiting for me to quit playing it safe and to re-kindle the adventurous attitude waiting to burst forth from within.

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