Reinventing Myself

Moving here in February of 2010, I had to radically reinvent myself from the former person I was to something totally brand new.  It wasn't a repackaging of the same old stuff, something that a cosmetic new pair of glasses and fake mustache would cover.  A disguise of sorts similar to scenes from corny movies of a bygone era.  For decades I would try to manage the external behavior when what was needed was a drastic change of the heart and soul.  Finally I realized that I had to clean up the inside of who I was and watch the transformation unfold.  Surely the example of a caterpiller to a butterfly is not too overused to cite here.  Still a great analogy!  Once the wreckage of the past had been dealt with, I could move toward total health and wellness in mind, body, heart, and soul.  (Physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.)  Only then could the changed insides induce moral and honorable external behaviors.  The Gospel of Matthew clearly states that out of the wellspring of the heart the mouth speaks.  (The mouth is a figurative example of the outward projection of who we are.)  Currently I find myself in need of another reinvention, or maybe this is a deeper contination of what began over twelve years ago.  Finally realizing the former shoe career from a season of life long since dead wasn't getting resurrected, I jettisoned that part of my "identity" for good.  It is no longer who I am as an individual.  Does this mean I once again dive head first into the realm of pipes and cigars?  As a career, that may be a possibility; however, I remain focused on who I am in relation to the Lord Jesus Christ.  Earning a living through gainful employment is simply a means to an end...not who I am as a person.  Recently, my mother's pastor asked who I was.  This was a great opportunity to speak out the truth that I am a Child of the King.  Of course I do need to participate in the things of this world while I'm here, but I can do that while remaining vertically focused on the Sovereign Lord of the Universe.  What I desire is to use the innate giftings and talents He has bountifully bestowed upon me from conception and birth.  Who knows, except the Lord Jesus Himself, what this looks like?!  I've been trying to figure this out for the previous almost forty-nine years on this terrestrial planet.  Truly I continue the march of a pilgrim learning valuable lessons as the Great Shepard leads me besides still waters and through the valley of the shadow of death.  During such a sojourn, I listen and ponder what the Holy Spirit tells me.  I desire to use the writing ability and passion for History and English toward God's Kingdom.  This is the desire of my heart and clear giftings from on High.  Father God, please honor my prayer and inner-yearnings.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Nightmare is Over

A little over a week ago, I finished working at Ole Grapevine Cigar & Tobacco Shop for a second tour of duty.  Once again, I found this particular place of employment extremely toxic and dysfunctional.  With the exception of one other staff member, the crew at the shop were too chummy with one another in very unhealthy ways.  Similar to the first experience, I was micro-managed and isolated from feeling a part of the "family", as the manager liked to call the company.  I never felt included...only taken advantage of and then made to feel inferior and worthless.  The customer base wasn't too much better than the work environment.  In some ways, the customers were worse...a bunch of entitled, rich people who wanted their way while everyone else be damned.  Spoiled-rotten brats!  The manager summarily decided, without even consulting me, that I would be moved to an "on call" position.  Since I'm not naive, I realize this means I'll never wor...
Read more

Seeking Closure!

Last week I was able to get away from the land of exile in order to visit and spend time with family.  Even though part of our plans for a trip to East Texas fell apart, I very much enjoyed spending three wonderful days with my mother in Yoakum.  During this time, as she still had to work her shifts at the church, I was able to scratch off quite a few items from the bucket list.  Many of these items have been on there for several years awaiting much-needed closure.  On top of the list, but really in no particular order, was to visit the Alchoholics Anonymous group in Victoria where I tried to get sober in 2004.  Even though I didn't recognize anyone in attendance, I did enjoy the time spent in fellowship.  Then a visit was made to Memory Gardens Cemetery where three acquaintances are interred.  One in particular, my friend Amy, was buried there in 2021.  Regretting not being able to attend her funeral services, I made every effort to locate her gr...
Read more

New Beginnings!

Today I began working a secondary form employment with Cartan's.  It is a shoe store selling men's and women's footwear located on Magnolia in the Near Southside of Fort Worth.  Ever since I moved here I have tried to get hired on with this place of business.  I formerly worked for the owner at the Rockport Shops in Houston.  Figured I was a "shoe" in with the amount of experience yours truly offered.  Finally, I was hired on and began by working from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m.  I dove right in and tried my best.  Slowly but surely, all of my skills and abilities will come back.  The manager seemed pleased and thought I really didn't need much help.  I shadowed him and a few other employees while they waited on customers.  In addition, I helped to put away drags, which are leftover shoes from the sale.  The store hours are from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. Monday through Saturday and closed on Sunday.  Woohoo!  Think I have found my home....
Read more