Reinventing Myself

Moving here in February of 2010, I had to radically reinvent myself from the former person I was to something totally brand new.  It wasn't a repackaging of the same old stuff, something that a cosmetic new pair of glasses and fake mustache would cover.  A disguise of sorts similar to scenes from corny movies of a bygone era.  For decades I would try to manage the external behavior when what was needed was a drastic change of the heart and soul.  Finally I realized that I had to clean up the inside of who I was and watch the transformation unfold.  Surely the example of a caterpiller to a butterfly is not too overused to cite here.  Still a great analogy!  Once the wreckage of the past had been dealt with, I could move toward total health and wellness in mind, body, heart, and soul.  (Physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.)  Only then could the changed insides induce moral and honorable external behaviors.  The Gospel of Matthew clearly states that out of the wellspring of the heart the mouth speaks.  (The mouth is a figurative example of the outward projection of who we are.)  Currently I find myself in need of another reinvention, or maybe this is a deeper contination of what began over twelve years ago.  Finally realizing the former shoe career from a season of life long since dead wasn't getting resurrected, I jettisoned that part of my "identity" for good.  It is no longer who I am as an individual.  Does this mean I once again dive head first into the realm of pipes and cigars?  As a career, that may be a possibility; however, I remain focused on who I am in relation to the Lord Jesus Christ.  Earning a living through gainful employment is simply a means to an end...not who I am as a person.  Recently, my mother's pastor asked who I was.  This was a great opportunity to speak out the truth that I am a Child of the King.  Of course I do need to participate in the things of this world while I'm here, but I can do that while remaining vertically focused on the Sovereign Lord of the Universe.  What I desire is to use the innate giftings and talents He has bountifully bestowed upon me from conception and birth.  Who knows, except the Lord Jesus Himself, what this looks like?!  I've been trying to figure this out for the previous almost forty-nine years on this terrestrial planet.  Truly I continue the march of a pilgrim learning valuable lessons as the Great Shepard leads me besides still waters and through the valley of the shadow of death.  During such a sojourn, I listen and ponder what the Holy Spirit tells me.  I desire to use the writing ability and passion for History and English toward God's Kingdom.  This is the desire of my heart and clear giftings from on High.  Father God, please honor my prayer and inner-yearnings.

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