Ale for the Soul

These are the days of Elijah Declaring the word of the Lord, yeah And these are the days of Your servant, Moses Righteousness being restored These are the days of great trials Of famine and darkness and sword Still we are the voice in the desert crying Prepare ye the way of the Lord! Say, behold He comes, riding on the clouds Shining like the sun, at the trumpet's call Lift your voice, (it's) the year of Jubilee Out of Zion's hill, salvation comes And these are the days of Ezekiel The dry bones becoming as flesh And these are the days of Your servant, David Rebuilding the temple of praise And these are the days of the harvest The fields are all white in the world And we are the laborers that are in Your vineyard Declaring the Word of the Lord Say, behold He comes, riding on the clouds Shining like the sun at the trumpet's call Lift your voice, (it's) the year of Jubilee Out of Zion's hill, salvation comes Behold He comes, riding on the clouds Shining like the su...

Exactly three years ago today I was hired at the smoke shop where I am currently employed.  Unlike most jobs, I sort of fell in to this one.  Upon moving to Fort Worth in February 2010, I stumbled across the shop a few months later in June.  For the next two plus years, I was a regular customer of sorts frequently partaking of the wonderful cigar selection offered in the shop's humidor.  Then one August day the owner of the store asked if I had ever considered working there.  At the time I hadn't, but informed him I wasn't opposed to doing so.  This was all he needed to hear in order to hire me, thus initiating me on a three year journey.  Currently this is the longest continuous employment ever held.  There have been other jobs in which I have worked three to four years, but they were broken in to several year to year and a half increments.  Strange, huh?  This doesn't mean I have always enjoyed the job or haven't tried to resign on sev...

Today is the first official day of classes at the University of Texas in Arlington.  Once this morning's Toastmasters meeting was over, I promptly left for school.  Arriving on campus I literally drove around for well over an hour looking for a parking spot.  As I was about to blow off classes and head home, a spot finally materialized as I was about to pull out of the parking lot.  This was such a blessing as I really was about to head home never to return to school.  So far my feelings in regard to the school haven't changed, but there is hope as I have had a decent day while here.  (Other than the bad experience in finding parking, of course, which only added to my strong negative bias.)  My heart still breaks at not getting to attend the University of Texas in Austin, but circumstances have dictated otherwise, and I must make the best of what my options are.  In the long-term, U.T. Arlington will more than likely provide a great opportunity fo...

Since moving to Fort Worth in 2010 I have struggled to meet a few of my goals, or at least to consistently meet them on a continual basis.  One of the goals is that of physical fitness.  As my weight increases and my clothes begin to fit tighter, I am thus strongly encouraged to exercise and to at least lose the inches around my mid-section.  Where I fall short is to carry through this exercise to further lose weight, diminish the inches around my weight, and to tone up existing muscle mass, if not to increase muscle mass simultaneously.  From 2005 to 2006 while living in Houston I was a runner, achieving and maintaining a little over seven minute mile.  (For my then-age group, I thought this was fairly good.)  Fast forward to 2010 through 2015, the main deterrent from picking up the passion of running again is the amount of pain experienced in my knees.  This is possibly due to a combination of increased weight and not stretching my legs as thoroughly...

Tomorrow is the first day of school ending a year and a half break from academia.  This is bittersweet as I look forward to learning once again, but I must confess a sadness concerning the loss of freedom I enjoyed these previous few months.  Last night a friend and I hung out at a local campus bar.  It was an English style pub reminiscent of the type of bars I would frequent in Houston during my party days.  Oh the memories!  The time of fellowship was great: buy one get one burgers, sports on TV, and three games of darts (two out of three I won).  Of course I maintained my sobriety and abstinence from alcohol, but it wasn't without a few fleeting thoughts about how refreshing an ice cold beer would taste on my pallet.  By the end of the evening, I was more than ready to go home.  (I'm not very much of a night person.  My most productive time of day is definitely in the morning.)  Today brings a few last minute loose ends to tie togethe...

Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me -- to keep me from exalting myself! Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong. II Corinthians 12:7-10 There isn't any sense in beating a dead horse by stating the obvious.  By reading most of the blog entries one can surmise the feeling of dislike I have for my current city of residence.  Occasionally my attitude will change with the blowing of the wind, but overall I have a st...

Freedom from the past didn't last through time, Things don't change, because I pretend they're fine, Do I flip a switch to give myself a happy life; to be a happy man, in a happy home with a happy wife? Jesus, if you came to give life abundantly, then how do you respond to all the pretense that you see? Do I break your heart by all the faking that I do? There are so many places I haven't let you into. I'm so tired of all these easy solutions, I can't stand it; they're nothing but denial, I think I need a personal revolution, How can I expect the heart to sing when I don't let the soul ever feel anything? Some have known the cruel touch from a trusted man, It's like pain and pleasure walking hand in hand, like a clown in makeup laughing, You might never read their face, but buried in their soul is a dark and painful place. The mind must know what the soul can endure, so it locks up tight in the face of what's impure, The wounded ...

In less than a week school begins at the University of Texas in Arlington.  As I prepare for school, I realize my last few days of freedom are approaching.  Time has flown by this previous year and a half since I was a student, and I ponder what I have to show for it.  Material possessions are the usual signs of outward success and are nice to have, but how I measure this previous year or so is by spiritual indicators: Have I deepened existing relationships?  Am I mentally, emotionally, and spiritually healthy?  If I had it within my power, what have I accomplished to better help my fellow man?  To some extent or degree I can rest in knowing this previous time of rest from academia has not been spent in fruitless endeavors.  A new season of life approaches with the first day of class.  May I welcome it with an open mind and open arms.  For whatever reason God wanted me to sit out this previous year and a half, He has not been revealed His Wil...

Every Thursday at 6:30 a.m. I travel to the Ol' South Pancake House in order to attend the weekly meeting of Toastmasters International.  The particular club I am a member of is Reveille Toastmasters, comprising of roughly twelve to fifteen members.  Of those members, roughly ten are active and participate on a regular basis.  As with anything else in life there are a few items I do not like about the club I attend, but the positives far outweigh any negative factors or issues I must deal with.  Primarily I use the organization of Toastmasters International as a social outing.  Even though I have lived in Fort Worth for over five years, I still find it difficult to meet people of substance.  Meeting people is a priority, but I also have shifted my focus to building depth of relationship now that I have a wide base of networking and contacts in place.  The two areas of focus must go hand in hand.  Only second to the social outing aspect, the other ...

Currently I am in the midst of a lot of positive activity in my life.  Yes, I am acting in gratitude for a change.  Surprised?  First, yesterday I celebrated nine years of sobriety from alcohol.  This is in addition to honoring my brother on his 28th birthday.  (Yes, we share the same "birthday" of sorts, while my real birthday is in December.)  Then I am getting geared up for the fall semester at the University of Texas in Arlington.  For those who have been reading my blog entries, you realize what a struggle this has been; however, circumstances have dictated and I must move forward in spite of whatever personal reservations I may have.  The cherry on the sundae has been checking out a new twelve step group at church.  Certainly this is not to say I have outgrown the A.A. program, but this other accountability group allows for discussion of other issues above and beyond that of alcohol.  Of course sobriety from alcohol will become enc...

In addition to my brother's 28th birthday, today is my 9th sobriety birthday.  Yes, I haven't taken a drink of alcohol for nine years.  Physical abstinence is wonderful, but what is even better is the emotional sobriety and health which derives from dealing with who I am as an individual.  Acquiring and maintaining emotional sobriety can be elusive and difficult, but the challenge and work involved is very well worth the effort.  I must confess how the time has blown by so fast.  Contrary to what a few people may think, I don't drudge through my day angry I can't have a drink.  Nor do I walk through my day fearful I will drink.  Making the decision to abstain from alcohol and the corresponding bondage has been a freeing experience.  As a result, I have been able to focus on enjoying life and achieving the vision I have cast for myself.  Of course I haven't met every goal, but I can re-evaluate and tweak those goals according to where God is t...

Exactly twenty-eight years ago today, my brother Patrick was born.  In these twenty-eight years, I have seen a baby grow in to a young boy, and that same young boy transform in to a strong young man.  During those years I believe it is natural to desire I would have spent more time with him, especially during his formative years.  One regret is not having taken the time to read to him and play with him more.  There were stretches of time I was not around to become the big brother I was suppose to be.  In spite of this, we always had a very special relationship, and I have seen him grow in to a mature young man.  Years later I recognize how precious family relationships are, so I strive to keep in touch with him at every opportunity.  My brother has done well for himself: first, he graduated from college with a bachelor's degree; second, he has landed a great job with a premier insurance company.  Life isn't over for this young man, and I expect mo...

I've gone so far from my home I've seen the world and I have known So many secrets I wish now I did not know 'Cause they have crept into my heart They have left it cold and dark and bleeding Bleeding and falling apart And everybody used to tell me big boys don't cry Well, I've been around enough to know that that was the lie That held back the tears in the eyes of a thousand prodigal sons Well, we are children no more, we have sinned and grown old And our Father still waits and He watches down the road To see the crying boys come running back to His arms And be growing young, growing young I've seen silver turn to dross Seen the very best there ever was And I'll tell You, it ain't worth what it costs And I remember my Father's house What I wouldn't give right now, just to see Him And hear Him tell me that He loves me so much And everybody used to tell me big boys don't cry Well, I've been around enough to know th...

I can't stand to fly I'm not that naive I'm just out to find The better part of me I'm more than a bird, I'm more than a plane I'm more than some pretty face beside a train And it's not easy to be me I wish that I could cry Fall upon my knees Find a way to lie Bout a home I'll never see It may sound absurd but don't be naive Even heroes have the right to bleed I may be disturbed but won't you concede Even heroes have the right to dream? And it's not easy to be me Up up and away away from me Well it's all right You can all sleep sound tonight I'm not crazy or anything I can't stand to fly I'm not that naive Men weren't meant to ride With clouds between their knees I'm only a man in a silly red sheet Digging for kryptonite on this one way street Only a man in a funny red sheet Looking for special things inside of me Inside of me, inside of me, yeah Inside of me, inside of me I'm only a man in a fun...

After six days Jesus took with him Peter, James, and John the brother of James, and led them up to a high mountain by themselves.  There he was transfigured before them. His face shone like the sun, and his clothes became as white as the light. Just then there appeared before them Moses and Elijah, talking with Jesus. Matthew 17:1-3 This verse is comforting because I believe it shows Jesus' human side more so than His God-hood.  Growing up in church I was taught and continue to believe Jesus was fully man and fully God simultaneously.  (Discussing these theological ideas isn't the point of this blog entry.)  The reason why I take comfort in these verses is because even Jesus needed relief from his humanity.  People demanding his time, the constant ideological warfare with the entrenched political and spiritual systems, and his own personal needs must have been overwhelming.  Each one of us, myself especially, periodically need a reprieve from the...

On Sunday I was able to visit with my maternal grandmother.  She currently resides in a 'memory-care' facility in Kerrville, suffering from the ill effects of aging on the human mind and psyche.  Thankfully she was having a good day in her mind affording enough clarity to recognize her visitors: my mother and me.  Several years have passed since we last visited, and I do not know how much longer she will occupy her earthly tabernacle (body) before God calls her home.  So the time together was precious.  We talked about her husband, my grandfather, who passed away in 2010.  Then I informed her how she still carries herself with class and beauty.  She is a remarkable woman, an individual who endured the horrors of the Great Depression with dignity and composure.  No excuses were made for their want of earthly possessions.  She held the family together, raising five children, while her husband served faithfully in the Navy during World War II. ...

This entry is written on location as I travel this great State of Texas.  At 2 a.m. on Sunday morning I arose to begin my three day vacation.  By three o'clock I took off on Interstate 35 toward my intended vacation destinations.  The first stop was in Kerrville to visit family.  Currently my maternal grandmother resides in a memory-care facility, with my aunt and uncle also residing in the city.  I was blessed to also visit my mother and step-father, as they were also in town for a visit.  This was a surprise reunion as I probably won't have another opportunity to visit with my grandmother.  In addition, I am usually only able to visit with Mom twice a year around the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays.  Making the trek to Kerrville was a last-minute change of plans once I realized everyone would be there.  After a great time of fellowship and a small snack, I took off toward my original destination of Leakey and Rio Frio....

Sometimes I feel I'm pulled in so many wrong directions Sometimes I fee the world seducing my affections It's not that I don't know the way It's just a heart that's prone to stray But with my weaknesses admitted You will keep all that I've committed So I commit my heart to You My First Love First Love - First Love My soul longs after You First Love - First Love I want my heart to stay so true Because You first loved me Jesus You will always be You will always be My First Love It's taken me some time to try to comprehend A love that doesn't change - a love without an end A love that keeps forgiving A love of sacrifice and giving I delight myself in You My First Love If I ever lack endurance I remember Your assurance That Your only banner over me is love If my heart begins to waiver Woo me back, my loving Savior Woo me back till I return to my First Love

Recently, in light of certain events, I have been taking a serious look at my life's bucket list.  Since getting exiled to Fort Worth I have accomplished little progress toward my goals and dreams.  Many of those goals and dreams I have come to realize are "pipe dreams," a vision for life not founded in reality and in consideration of my given lot in life.  Many items on the bucket list have been removed and replaced with more realistic ones, goals such as: travelling more within the State of Texas, camping more regularly, increasing the frequency in which I pleasure read, and focusing on improving existing long-term relationships.  Tomorrow I leave for Leakey and Rio Frio, Texas in order to visit a friend and his wife.  This will be a great start of embarkation in accomplishing the revised Bucket List.  Above all, the time away from Fort Worth will be rehabilitating and refreshing.  I am amazed how my temperament immediately changes for the better upo...

"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." -- Mark Twain Recently I came across this quote from Mark Twain and was quite amused.  What if I could live life in reverse, taking all those years of accumulated wisdom and applying it appropriately.  How much easier life would be!  Life would work out so much better.  Hell, I might actually be able to make of this life what I originally wanted for it.  I am very well aware of what people tell me on a daily basis, and this is how intelligent I am and along with the skills and abilities I possess.  Well, I'm sick and tired of hearing how full of potential I am.  I want to do something with the very gifts God has bestowed upon me.  All these gifts come to nothing if I don't ever use them or at least have the opportunity to do so.  The concluding decision is 'potential' is a meaningless word used to make people feel good about the...

** Speech given at Toastmasters                 Statistically speaking, one in seven people in this room read at or below a fifth grade level or cannot read at all.  Staggering, isn’t it?  United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO) defines literacy as the “ability to identify, understand, interpret, create, communicate and compute, using printed and written materials associated with varying contexts.  Literacy involves a continuum of learning in enabling individuals to achieve their goals, to develop their knowledge and potential, and to participate fully in their community and wider society.”  In researching for material to incorporate in to this speech, my heart was broken to discover the statistics for literacy, not only in this country, but also around the world.  Countries with a literacy rate less than 55% have a per capita income of $600.  In the United Kingdom one in fou...

Recently I made one last-ditch effort to leave with finality this wretched city I am forced to live in.  This city is a 'Good Ol' Boy Town' who despises and does not welcome outsiders, people who are not 'from' here.  Out of resignation, with no other options available to me, I have finally decided to take on the attitude of one living in exile.  Exile is defined as: The condition or period of being forced to live away from one's native country or home,  especially as a punishment. The condition or period of self-imposed absence from one's country or home. One who lives away from one's native country, whether because of expulsion or voluntary absence. To send in to exile, banish. As a result of this newly donned attitude, I will keep my social interaction at an extreme minimum.  This minimalist perspective will include keeping my current part-time employment at the smoke shop and classes at the local university.  Above and beyond this, I choo...