Ale for the Soul

A little over one week ago, I received news from The University of Texas in Austin they denied my application for admission as a student to their prestigious school.  Apparently they are so prestigious, people with a flawless 4.0 grade point average can't get in either.  This was a devastating blow to my ego, and a slap in the face of the hard work I've put forth these previous three years earning my Associates Degree at Tarrant County College.  The intellectual and emotional turmoil raging in my head has been non-stop.  On Monday I shared with my "Friends of Bill" group what I have been dealing with over the past week.  The topic of the group discussion was 'Acceptance' and how it is so important to serenity, as well as to emotional and physical sobriety.  I knew if I didn't deal with the storm raging 'between my ears,' I would eventually pick up a drink in order to numb and not deal with the resentment and hurt plaguing my heart and soul.  As mo...

Over the previous week I have been sorting family photographs dating to the early to mid 1800s.  Now I'm beginning to place those same photographs into photo albums in order to make the sorting process easier.  Subconsciously this has been a time of reflection.  As these thoughts bubble up to the level of cognizance, I find myself regretful over missed opportunity: time with family deciphering the wealth of information through pictures and documents I find before me.  In speaking to an acquaintance at the cigar shop, a realization dawned I am not alone in these thoughts and feelings.  How may we individually guard against this by seizing the day when we are younger, full of life, and taking such treasures as family for granted?  Now it is my duty to uphold my family honor and tradition by uncovering the treasure before me and sharing it with my present family.  The torch of the family heritage and culture has been passed on to me, howeve...

"God wants to change us into people who are truly noble, people who reflect an unswerving confidence in who He is, which equips us to face all of life and still remain faithful.  Spirituality built on pretense is not spirituality at all.  God wants us to be courageous people who are deeply bothered by the horrors of living as part of a fallen race, people who look honestly at every struggle, who feel overwhelmed by what we see, yet emerge prepared to live: scarred, still troubled, but deeply loving.  When the fact is faced that life is profoundly disappointing, the only way to make it is to learn to love.  And only those who are no longer consumed with finding satisfaction now are able to love.  Only when we commit our yearnings for perfect joy to a Father we have learned to deeply trust are we free to live for others despite the reality of a perpetual ache." Larry Crabb The False Hope of Modern Christianity From the book Inside Out

A friend once told me, "A person can change while not growing as a person.  However, a person can not grow as an individual without changing."  Neither situation is comfortable, but growth and change is a must if I desire true change and forward progression as a person.  Of course people can change for the worse, but growth implies positive, upward mobility in every realm of an individual: mentally, emotionally, and intellectually.  (This is not an exhaustive list.  Other areas may include the social arena and etc.)  As I wind down my tenure as a resident of Fort Worth, I must let go of comfort and routine in order to move on to the next stage of my life.  In addition, I recently learned my maternal grandmother's house is up for sale.  As a semi-full time college student, I do not have financially gainful employment in order to afford such a house appraised at $240,000.  As I see the passing of the torch from one generation to another, t...

This is the last of my wonderful Spring Break vacation.  After four glorious days visiting friends and family in Austin, and three days camping in Buescher State Park with a friend from Houston, I feel as if I am grounded as an individual again.  The time away detaching myself from what the rest of the world calls life or living, did wonders to re-evaluate what is meaningful to me.  In our technologically advanced day and age, I observe others and catch myself clinging to my phone, computer, and internet connection in the event I might miss something.  In reality, what I am missing is the simpler way of life.  Nature has a way of reorienting me to true living, a lesson back to the basics of what is the true substance of life.  True life, as I see it, is lived from the inside out, instead of external behaviors working their way inward.  In the end, I find a person's core character and beliefs are prostituted for what the world dictates a person should b...

Last Saturday, while at work, I met a phenomenal woman.  After conversing for roughly thirty minutes, I knew this woman had substance, intelligence, and other qualities I look for in an individual.  A considerable amount of time (years) has passed since I have made any type of real friendship with someone from the opposite sex.  Granted, finding women of substance and real depth is difficult, but I find cultivating and maintaining a friendship with one incredibly challenging.  I believe the reason for this is the tremendous influence society has on men and women as they move about differing social circles.  This influence may be what society considers proper gender roles, who the new "liberated" woman looks like, the false idea men only want "one thing," and so much more.  Sometimes people say exactly what they mean without anything hidden "between the lines" to be read.  In short, if a man says he only wants a friendship with a woman, why not tak...

Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood. RALPH WALDO EMERSON, Essays During the Fall semester of 2013, I ran across this quote while taking an American Literature course.  These words struck like a thunderbolt!  Few things in life have such an impact.  "To be great is to be misunderstood."  Hmm...!  As I struggle to make sense of this stage play called life and the other actors involved, I push to the forefront the realization I have always known somewhat subconsciously.  And that is, I am greatly misunderstood: my thoughts, behaviors, actions, and overall demeanor.  The familial shaping of my formative years, the tumultuous adolescent years, and my experiences post-high school, work and social, have built upon one another to...